I’ve only been a mom for 3.5 years now. Not long enough for me to master much of anything, but plenty long enough for me to learn that I’m capable of sucking the fun out of everything.
Seriously. Everything.
Being Type A and all, I tend to approach life with an I-will-conquer-you-and-be-productive-or-die-trying kind of attitude. And yet, when I try to apply this attitude to motherhood–or, more specifically, to my children–I fall flat on my face.
Every. Time.
I tilted the bag upside down and watched as the potting soil tumbled into the large plastic container. As the mound of dirt grew higher, my children’s eyes grew wider.
My 14-month-old gasped in delight and my three-year-old began a dance not unlike the I’ve-really-gotta-go dance. Back and forth, left foot, right foot. The kind of dance that takes over when you can barely contain your excitement for what’s ahead.
I dropped a shovel and a few cups into the container and was nearly bowled over by the two little stallions chomping at their bits. I backed away and watched, amused, as they both sank their hands into the dirt and filled their tiny fists, letting it sift between their fingers, smiles plastered on their faces.
He looked like a deer in the headlights. A drill in one hand, a level in the other. I couldn’t blame him. I’d probably respond the same way if he’d gone from laughter to legit tears in 2.5 seconds.
Like I’d just done.
We’d spent the last few hours putting together a floating desk in our bedroom. Nothing super fancy, just a couple of shelf brackets and a wooden board. It’ll take thirty minutes tops, I said with what I’m sure was a brimming-with-confidence smirk. This will be easy.
Famous last words.
I had such a fun time touching base with other moms this week and asking them, “What are some of the weirdest things you’ve said or done as a parent that you never would have done before kids?”
The answers are hysterical, because I know they’re all 100% true! Check out these 20 “You know you’re a parent when…” statements. And be sure to comment with your own hilarious experiences, too!
You Know You’re a Parent When…
There is something about the sight of a pregnant woman that renders people senseless. It’s an oh-look-a-big-round-belly-let-me-shut-off-my-mental-filter-and-start-saying-things-I’d-never-say-around-a-non-pregnant-person kind of senseless. When we see someone who is obviously expecting, it’s like we can’t help ourselves—we have to speak up.
And who could blame us? The miracle of how a new life is formed, grown, and introduced into the world is so astonishing that it compels us to draw attention to it. Sometimes we do this gracefully. Other times? Not so much.
So for your enjoyment, here are 10 ways a woman can know for sure she’s pregnant. (And as a little bonus, you’ll see comments included in italics. These are the things pregnant women are thinking in response to each quip or action.)
“I got you flowers, Mommy!” He spun in three circles and then did a forward roll off the couch. Some people express their excitement in mere words. Others need their whole bodies plus a three-foot radius. My son falls into the latter category.
“Look at the flowers! I got them for you! Me and Daddy did!” In a matter of seconds, he perched himself on the edge of the countertop and crouched not unlike a baboon inspecting a furry friend’s back for insects. He fingered the rose petals with a gentleness I didn’t think possible, thanks to the coaching I’m sure he received from his dad.
Benjamin shifted his attention back to me. “Because,” he said, seriousness in his voice, “guh-wuls need flowers.”
The bloodcurdling scream pierced the tranquility of countless shoppers. I swallowed hard and began the painstaking trek towards the automatic doors, which seemed miles away. It mightn’t have taken me so long had I not had 32 pounds of boneless deadweight to pull behind me while also holding 20 pounds of oblivious enthusiasm in my other arm.
As I stumbled along, nearby shoppers offered a variety of responses: eye rolls, disapproving glares, averted eyes, and an occasional sympathetic I’m so glad I’m not you smile. I met each gaze with a weak grin. “Don’t worry,” I said to one bystander, “He’s going to be a GREAT leader someday.”
Read the rest at Greensboro Pregnancy Care Center’s blog by clicking here! I had the opportunity to write an article on the painful lessons of loneliness. Check it out!
