Sadness. That’s what I felt the moment they placed her in my arms. And then – before my arms even tightened around her small frame – the sweetest joy. If I’m honest, the moment I learned of this pregnancy, I was flooded with fear. Fear of another loss. But also fear of what I wouldContinue reading “There is Both: God’s Goodness in the Joy and Sadness”
Tag Archives: pregnancy loss
No Bodies to Bury: The Unspoken Pain of Early Pregnancy Loss
Does my grief even count if there are no bodies to bury? The crass thought swirled around my mind in the weeks that followed my pregnancy losses. I was unprepared for how much our losses would shred my heart. But I was even more unprepared for how much the world would minimize the deaths ofContinue reading “No Bodies to Bury: The Unspoken Pain of Early Pregnancy Loss”
I Cried on New Year’s Eve: Grieving with Hope in 2020
I cried on New Year’s Eve. We spent time with friends, blew noisemakers, and yelled “Happy New Year!” at 8 PM (because we knew there was no way we’d actually last until midnight). We laughed, talked about goals for the new year, and shared stories from 2019. But earlier that day, when I was alone,Continue reading “I Cried on New Year’s Eve: Grieving with Hope in 2020”
No Longer Empty-Handed
I can’t feel them in my arms anymore. It’s inexplicable, really. I’ve stared at four positive pregnancy tests in the last four years. And each time—without fail—I could immediately feel them in my arms. The anticipation was instant, the bond immediate. Some may roll their eyes at such extreme statements, but the knowledge that aContinue reading “No Longer Empty-Handed”
He Gives and Takes Away: My Pregnancy Loss
The last thing I remember before going under was the sensation of tears limping from my eyes and tap tapping on the stark white sheet beneath my head. I sobbed into the mask that was placed over my mouth and nose, both welcoming and dreading the oblivion that waited for me. I still see theContinue reading “He Gives and Takes Away: My Pregnancy Loss”
Mary Holloman 